Am I an addict? Do I have an addiction?

Well as a Dutch saying goes, “to ask the question is to answer it”.
I can’t answer that question for you.

marijuana-and-dopamine-2 Am I an addict? Do I have an addiction?

For myself… Nobody saw me as an ‘addict‘, still don’t.  I just drank too much, from time to time. Who doesn’t!  No need to “stigmatize” myself like that. And like so many, I was easily reassured.  Wanted to believe that was normal.  There was nothing wrong with me, I just needed to quit after a few drinks and then there wouldn’t’ t be a problem at all.  Just learn to control myself (because that’s easy with a few drinks in your system, you know).
And yes, ok, I could be an annoying drunk but who isn’t from time to time? It’s not that I drank on a daily, that I was shivering if I didn’t drink. That I drank behind backs and lied about it.
It would be all righty if I’d stop after a few glasses and I could just continue my drinking as such.

We also have another saying in Dutch, “only solve the problem, is there is even a problem”.  Well, I felt there was and a first step was recognizing I did. It’s very hard to drink a few and stop, it’s like a mission impossible. Well, it is possible but damn, that’s fucking hard and masochistic. I’m an all or nothing person. So, I decided for myself I had a problem. Only that way I could start to heal and help myself and question the use of alcohol.

So, am I an alcoholic? That’s a matter of perception.  For me, I’ve realized that drinking got me into troubles.  So yes, if something that gets me into trouble, makes me take bad choices, makes me feel horrible about myself and has so much power over me… Plus can persuade me to do that thing again over and over by lying to myself, then yes that felt like an addiction.
I’ve felt horrible.  Too many times to neglect it.

I’ve said what everybody says after heavy drinking “never again”.  And as many times I covered it up with minimizing how I felt afterwards. I minimized how I felt and what caused it.  It was probably something else that made me feel that bad, the beginning of a cold perhaps?
What was it with alcohol that I just wanted to ignore all the bad that came out of using it.  Was it really that good and yummy?  I tried to find the good in alcohol, but couldn’t find any anymore.  I always felt bad afterwards, even when I only had one drink.  I got sick and tired of the poisoning effect it had on me, my thinking, my health, my mood, my relationships with others.   I got sick of the fakeness off it all, sick of the feeling I needed something just to deal with reality and everyday life, something to relax, something to make myself (and other people?) more interesting.
Emotionally it fucked me up (embarrassed, fights, saying stupid stuff, feeling fake and having fake conversations) and physically (falling, headache, slurring,..) I felt like I was thrown under a bus.

So, I gave it up. And I should not feel ashamed because I took care of an avoidable problem in my life. Fuck the stigma.

069824360ba3b710e2e9f7bf3fa78a9a Am I an addict? Do I have an addiction?


Alcohol culture on social media

Merely every other so what post on Facebook, I see people posing with alcohol, seemingly having fun and having the time of their lives.  Often just a photo of their drink.  Garanteed to have people liking it and wishing they could have that too.  By the amount off pictures of drinks, you’d think that my acquaintances are alcoholic beverages 🙂

Alcohol companies don’t need to have great marketing anymore, the users promote their product the best and in the way they always wanted it to have it promoted. With the idea that alcohol is harmless fun, a perfect reliever of stress, brings pure moments of enjoyment and a great way to bond with your friends and loved ones. With alcohol, it’s always a celebration!

What made me sad was a video I saw today on Facebook. Meant to be funny. A toddler refusing food and it’s bottle. Until dad gives him a glass of wine. The kid clears up and starts laughing! Until dad takes it away and the kid starts crying.
Haha, that’s funny! Hillarious! Genious! All for the greater good of a daily laugh from people who can relate to the kid and would like a glass of wine. That toddler knows where the fun is.

sad-evolution Alcohol culture on social media

As a recovering alcoholic and finally seeing what alcohol really is (raging havoc in health and society).. I find these things.. a hard drug as a joke.. distrubing. Minimising a class A drug as joke and getting our kids accustomed to it.. Maybe we can do that scene over again with a syringe of heroin? Or a sigarette? Would it be funny than?

Well, it isn’t. Feelings on alcohol are fake, it’s carcinogenic, its an unhealthy escape from reality and it doesn’t contribute to life. So please, keep it away from kids and stop normalising drugs use to them.