An introvert mom on family vacation

Going on vacation is a lot of work people!

I’m not talking about the packing, unpacking and the laundry that piled up. I’m talking about running into yourself and your loved ones.  Planning a vacation is actually more rewarding lol. Note to self, just keep it to planning.

What happened?  The introvert came out in full force. Living with myself is a hard thing to do. Let alone me having to live with other people around me 24/7! I really don’t get it why my husband hasn’t said fuck it a 1.000.000 times, and neither how my kids put up with me. They even find it in their hearts to say I’m the sweetest and bestestes mother in the world.

Okay maybe I’m too harsh on myself now, but really… Going on holiday is not as relaxing as one may think. By day I sit at my desk. With nobody around me. Not a living soul 50% of the time and the other 50% is with a person who is also not a talker. I consider myself very, very lucky! It’s been like this for 16 years now. You could say I’m socially unadjusted.  And some people would die by the thought of being alone all day.
Not me, I absolutely love being alone. It’s already busy enough in my head and I really don’t miss it. I even plan to get self-employed, after this, to avoid colleagues.

I had them, when I had training school. Some stabbed backs, others who I thought I had a connection with, I never heard from again.  But the worst were those noticing and commenting on my rather large bosom. That really traumatized me as an 18-year-old. I really could do without all that. I’m often surprised at how people can say mean and harsh things about someone and the moment after they are talking and laughing with that person as if they didn’t just say all that and they are best friends for life.  I don’t get that.  It made me very suspicious of people and their intentions.

Ok, I’m drifting away from my original story. While I love being alone my family, of course, are the persons I do love around me (although I wouldn’t mind a mute button for them of a temporarily deaf button for me from time to time). But like 24/7?!  Everybody has needs, toddlers have massive needs and wishes. To top that off, they are very sensitive to change and if they are hungry or sleepy, the shit really hits the fan. But I won’t say they were really the problem, I was. It took me a few days to adjust and deeply search in myself why I got overstressed by the feeling that everybody wanted something from me, something I was planning on to get extra for myself on holiday.  For example, I wanted to read, the kids wanted to play in the water and my husband wanted to visit a town.

Luckily, I have the best man in the world who saw what was happening before I figured it out for myself. So, after breakfast he took them and the dog for a walk, so I could clean up a bit. And more of those trivial things. It gave me time to recharge.

I still have to get to know myself sober. I have to get used to the fact that I don’t like chaos. Not in my head, not around me and not in my surrounding. I can cope with orderly chaos though.  And I made a lot of nice pictures. Slovenia and Croatia are absolutely beautiful.

 

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