I’ve been longing for sunny days and there they were. It was like a perfect storm. It’s a holiday, we had free entrance tickets for Plopsa land, there were Kids-days in Koksijde and my parents were away so we had the house to ourselves. On top of that, the sea air did very well for my always stuffed nose so I was able to breath the entire weekend and I didn’t sound like a piglet/kettle hybrid throughout the night (which I don’t really mind but it even wakes ME up, and that’s unacceptable). Plus, it was the first sunny weekend in like forever. We were ready for some family fun.
When we left, the kids were eager to go to Plopsa, of course. But first we had to pass by our newly nephew Bill, a sweet baby boy born on 05/05. The day my love and I were together for 7 years.
It was all very exciting. So after we arrived at my parents home in Koksijde at 22.00 h (way past their time) we were able to put them to sleep without having to beg, lecture, plea, get angry.. non of that. And they even slept in the same bed. They woke up at an acceptable hour the next morning and after a nice breakfast we were on our way. Going to an amusement park in a holliday scares the living shit out of me, the horror of having to wait at every attraction with two toddlers made me shiver inside. In vain! There were a lot of people, but it was very doable. The max we had to wait at an attraction was maybe 10 min. The last time we went, there weren’t as many attractions and the little one was just a baby, the oldest just large enough to go on merry go rounds. But this time she wanted to do EVERYTHING. It was heartbreaking to tell her from time to time that she first had to grow just a little bit before it was safe to go on those faster things. We had a great day, lots of sunshine (red face) and attractions and very happy kids who were exhausted afterwards.
Saturday the “kids day’s” started. A large lane full of bouncy castles and other things. It always amazes me how little broken noses I see. Kids don’t give an eff, they elebow you eyeball straight out of the soccet (if it were me who got the blow) but somehow they are never harmed except the occasional bruises.
Needless to say, they were tired in the evening (and bruised) and my face was, again, red from the sun. Yes I wear kids sunscreen and yes, I’m the only one who gets burned. Next day was a bit like saturday except that it was summery warm, the kids even played in the sea. It went down like this:
“mom can we go with our feet in the water” “oké, but don’t get wet”. Two seconds later they are jumping over the waves but fail to land on their feet. A few moments later they jump but naked over the waves and we let them.
Meanwhile our dog also runs happily through the waves. Dogs really love sand and sea.
And to top it of, we didn’t had traffic on the way back to our home and I placed a bet on Paris-Roubaix on Greg Van Avermaet and yes. He won (and so did I)
Working on one self isn’t easy. There is so much to do, so much work and it is advancement with babysteps.
It’s like doing the household, you clean and dust but if you don’t keep it up, it catches up to you.
The hardest work so far is, yep still, being a mom. The parenting thing.
Trying to be a ‘good mom’. Being just and fair, yet staying human and not a police officer. But that’s the way I often feel. I don’t have to be friends with them in a let-them-walk-over-me kind of way, far from that.
But I often find myself hating on me because I can’t seem to stop naggin’, warning, lecturing, bribing, critisizing and so many other irritable and non-productive ways to make this thing called ‘a family’ a smooth sailing. Which it isn’t. It’s hard work.
I somethimes forget they are kids, I somethimes would love them to act more “grown up” (yet I don’t know much grown ups who act “grown up” either) and on the other hand I want them to enjoy their childhood as much and as long as possible. I also feel I zone out too much when it’s overwelming. Always been a reader, even the back of a cereal box when nothing else came in handy. Those were the ’80s. Now I have a cell phone which I semi-blame for my zone out addiction. And the stuff I read is hardly even as interesting as the back of the ol’ cereal box.
Why do I do it? It’s like, they come home and start clattering non stop, loudly and nobody listens to anybody and I feel my head is going to explode, so I zone out. I love their energy but It comes in as nervousness and I need to get out of that or I’ll get nervous. It really gets under my skin. I really wonder how you get a kid to do Yoga (without sedation).
My kids know this. But they stay kids, meaning they too, as every other human being, thinks about his/her needs first.
And one of their needs is to ‘express’ themselves, loudly. I know I’m going to miss this when they grow up and become unmotivated teenagers who don’t want to share about their day.
So I’m still working very hard on that, I really need to let go more. You know those funny pictures on the net of guilty pets? Those ones yes
I should think that way about my kids too. Imagine them with a sign that says “I spilled orange juice on the neatly mopped floor. Twice. Today. This morning. And used my foot to try to ‘clean’ it” or “I hate whatever my mom is making, but I love my to eat nails/fingers/hair and boogers”
“I hate breakfeast and am not shy to show it” and the other one standing by her “I have that feeling about dinner!”
I have to learn to take the humorous approach. And turn of the cell phone in the afternoon and evening.
Do you wish there was a talent that somebody else has, you wish you had? I know I do. Not in an envious way but in a “man I wish I could do that effortlessly” way. There runs artistry in my pedigree. Great late uncles and other relatives further and nearer all have the talent to draw. To express what they see in their head, on paper. Or sculpture. My brother, who passed away in 2014, had that talent. As a kid, he could draw big sail ships, just by having it seen on a picture or on tv. He had an eye for depth and perspective and could draw in so much detail on such a small piece. I was astounded. Why did that talent so many of us have, just pass me by? By now I know, practice makes perfect but I have to practice a lot. In my future profession and in my study now, it really is a necessity to be able to sketch and draw. The thing is, you learn from people who can draw and when you look at your own piece of crap… you start comparing. Now ain’t nobody ever felt better by comparing to somebody more successful than yourself. Because you don’t realize in your self-pity, maybe it was hard on them too and very hard and time consuming to master. Oh, I’ve tried to cheat. Thinking that Illustrator would do the work for me, but also there, you must know the basics (+ master a program with that). So, I’ve given up on searching shortcuts on how to draw fast and furious on YouTube. It’s something that I will learn by doing and doing and doing and doing.
And once I will master it, it’s a gift for life. I’ll just have to keep drawing the same 2 perspective cube over and over and over until I dream of cubes in all sorts of angles, until I now the basic rules of drawing so it doesn’t look distorted. And who knows, maybe in 10.000 hours, I too will be able to draw something that looks like a prettier turd.
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